Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
