If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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