just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
