That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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