Don't EVER smell your tampon
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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