tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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