batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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