Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
