is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
