I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
