Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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