I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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