people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
MIDGETS
????
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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