She is in my trunk
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
