i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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