look no pants
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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