you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
