She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
