Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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