also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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