we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I want her autograph on my taint
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
