I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
