Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
