I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
