I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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