You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
