do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
