Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize