he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
