So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
