you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
