Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Of course I have a pirate flag
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
