My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize