so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
