Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
