Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize