Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
