and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
