I feel great
I just peed on a car
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
