im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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