Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
