I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
