I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
