i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
