i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
