Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
