Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
