He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
