So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
