Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize