I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
