Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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