Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
