saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
