haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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