we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
