Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Pants are for mortals
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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