Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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