i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
