Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
