We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
