We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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