I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
