Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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