Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
