i just snorted my name. best moment ever
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My bed smells like the plague
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
