I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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