Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
