Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
