If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
