He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
did you just send me my own nude
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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