im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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